I want a normal life

One where I stop questioning every decision I've made, stop trying to plan my future which always ends up different from what I envision anyway.

I accidently went on a date Friday night with one of the security guards from school. I thought we'd be getting together to chat (see my earlier post about making friends and language exchange), but then he brought me flowers. Then William and I talked for almost 2 hours today catching up. We both still miss each other like crazy and both still love each other. It's so hard to determine if breaking up is really the right thing for us. I don't know if we should just stop talking, we only talk once a week as is. I haven't made travel plans for winter break yet. I think my heart still thinks I'll be spending those 3 weeks in Japan. But I need to just make it final, make plans to go somewhere else and get it over with. Part of this is really ironic. I've never had any trouble planning trips before!

Then of course, there is the issue of how do i communicate everything that's going on to Andrei (the accidental date) that I'm sooo not ready to date anyone at all between his limited English and my limited Russian.

Blah. I just want a normal life, whatever the hell that is.