Saturday, December 8


There are times that I feel like my life here is hard, that I'm at times lonely and feel very isolated. I think a big part of it is that I'm struggling with being single. I feel like I'm ready to be sharing my life with someone, but I just haven't found that someone yet. And I'm not willing to settle. I don't know that I'll be able to meet that someone here. And then there's the air, which really, really bothers me. I feel like I can constantly smell the air, whether from pollution or cigarette smoke. When I go out, people are constantly pushing you or crowding you. They never hold the door and at all metro entrances the doors swing back like you would not believe.

But then I was on the metro last night with 3 friends, heading out to Daikon (my favorite restaurant here so far), and there was a homeless man on the metro. By the smell, it was fairly obvious that he had defecated recently. People would step into the car and either crowd to the opposite side or just get out and literally run to a new car. And I had the realization that, unless I suddenly develop a shattering mental illness, that will never be me. I have the ability to move from country to country, seeing new places, meeting new people. I will most likely, always have my own housing, sharing it only if I chose to. I won't be sleeping on the metro as it is the only warm place I can sit down. I complain that I can't get the wide range of Asian foods that I used to, poor me. At least I know that I will never spend a night hungry, nor have I ever.


swirlingnotions said...

Good for you for shifting your attitude . . . I so so relate. I've been feeling very "poor me" lately because of a string of colds. But then I look at the people hanging on my fridge--Sylhane in Kosovo, Immacculee in Rwanda, Rene and Mayra in Guatemala--and I'm humbled by the strength they show just by enduring day by day. And suddenly, my "poor me's" go away and I'm flooded with gratitude, both for my life and that those special people are in my life. I think it's when we stop allowing that paradigm shift to happen that we're really in trouble.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll!

Mickey said...

Moscow, huh? I'll be damned.
I suddenly feel very boring...