Sunday, January 13

In the twists of my mind

As always, my mind continues to flip flop. Never shutting up. I'm so torn between wanting to share my life with someone (is there such thing as a marriage clock that ticks away in people like the biological clock?) and wanting to continue to travel. And wondering if I'll be able to combine those two things or if at some point I'll have to give one up.

Post turning 18, I've never lived in the same city for more than 3 years, unless you count college, and well, even if you do count college, those 3 or 4 year spans have been dotted with long periods of travel.

And now being part of international schools, I can continue the life style, traveling at will, moving every 2 or 3 years and being well compensated for it. But I really want someone to share it with. I miss having an intimate connection to someone. And I see many single women at my school my age or older and I don't want that. I don't want to continue on this path solo. But is there any point even worrying about this right now? Of course not - I'll be in Moscow until June of 2009 at least. Why won't my head just turn off and let things happen rather than constantly trying to envision the future, visions which are always wrong anyway.

In Houston, I had the feeling that I could settle right back into life there. But how long could I happily stay there - especially when the heat and humidity returns? At times, I think of how nice it would be to finally have the vegetable/herb garden I long for, but would I really stick around in the summers to tend to it, or would I be off somewhere?

That's what's got me up at 4:30 in the morning since I've returned to Moscow. That and stupid jet lag.

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