And as the plane was landing in Moscow, it felt like I was returning home, which was really nice. I seem to be having a much better time with my jet lag on this side of the pond, which has always been the case for me. However, each time I return to the states it takes me 2-3 days to recover.
My classroom was in the same state I left it in, however, my teach timer which Ram (former department head) gave me as a going away gift has gone missing :( I'm hoping it'll show up. But as William reminded me, "The room wasn't destroyed, you weren't left a jar of pussy juice on your desk - you should be throwing pizza parties!" Once again, I'm reminded of how different it is teaching here. My expectations are so high that I'm giving all my classes pop quizzes on what was covered with the sub and they're doing quite well on them.
Alright, time for Russian lessons.
Tuesday, October 23
Wednesday, October 17
Love You More
I'm not quite sure what to title this post or how it will go. On Sunday afternoon while Tyler and I were baking cookies I got a phone call from my mom telling me my paternal grandmother had passed away. I knew this was coming, as I've mentioned she was old and very ill for the last several years.
I come from a very big family, we're all spread out over the US, well world now with me living in Moscow, but we're close. I knew right away that I wanted, needed, to be at the funeral. So two hours later (in which Tyler finished the cookies all on his own!), I had a ticket on BMI to London Heathrow and then a United flight (I knew all those miles would come in handy) to Cleveland via Chicago. It took me 26 hours of travel, but I made it to Ohio at midnight the night before the funeral.
I slept 6 hours and spent the morning chatting with my mom and maternal grandma. We all left for the funeral home at 9. It's so interesting how they can make the dead still look so alive. My grandmother looked really nice and peaceful.
I don't know how long my grandfather will last without her. They were married 61 years and together for 8 before that. He was comforted by having all 5 of his children with their spouses, all 15 of his grandchildren there, 4 with their spouses and 2 of those couples with their children. Then there was all the other family members. The church was packed. All the grandchildren played a part in the funeral, 4 of us doing readings (I had all the requests for prayers), 3 bringing the offerings (body and blood of chr!st), and then all of the older male cousins acted as pall bearers. I can't believe how tall my cousins are - all well above 6 feet. We're all growing up. And have gotten really good at being adults, comforting each other showing our love, just as grandma raised us to. My cousin Donavan gave a great eulogy talking about how much our grandmother encouraged us to go out see the world, get an education, raise a family, communicate, be in love. Without fail, conversations would end with us saying, "I love you grandma," and her saying "love you more." I'll miss her, but I'm so glad I got to have her for 28 years.
I come from a very big family, we're all spread out over the US, well world now with me living in Moscow, but we're close. I knew right away that I wanted, needed, to be at the funeral. So two hours later (in which Tyler finished the cookies all on his own!), I had a ticket on BMI to London Heathrow and then a United flight (I knew all those miles would come in handy) to Cleveland via Chicago. It took me 26 hours of travel, but I made it to Ohio at midnight the night before the funeral.
I slept 6 hours and spent the morning chatting with my mom and maternal grandma. We all left for the funeral home at 9. It's so interesting how they can make the dead still look so alive. My grandmother looked really nice and peaceful.
I don't know how long my grandfather will last without her. They were married 61 years and together for 8 before that. He was comforted by having all 5 of his children with their spouses, all 15 of his grandchildren there, 4 with their spouses and 2 of those couples with their children. Then there was all the other family members. The church was packed. All the grandchildren played a part in the funeral, 4 of us doing readings (I had all the requests for prayers), 3 bringing the offerings (body and blood of chr!st), and then all of the older male cousins acted as pall bearers. I can't believe how tall my cousins are - all well above 6 feet. We're all growing up. And have gotten really good at being adults, comforting each other showing our love, just as grandma raised us to. My cousin Donavan gave a great eulogy talking about how much our grandmother encouraged us to go out see the world, get an education, raise a family, communicate, be in love. Without fail, conversations would end with us saying, "I love you grandma," and her saying "love you more." I'll miss her, but I'm so glad I got to have her for 28 years.
Sunday, October 14
Snow!
It's snowing. Full on, big fluffy white flakes. I've discovered it's very hard to take pictures of snow in the air. It's not sticking to the ground yet, but it sure is beautiful from inside the warmth of my apartment.
Better yet, with the cold windy air, I was able to sleep with my window open without the air being stinky!
Better yet, with the cold windy air, I was able to sleep with my window open without the air being stinky!
Saturday, October 13
You say ball, I say gala
Well, I've now been to my second ball in as many months. I love getting dressed up and going to these events, thus far, for free! Last night's ball was a fundraiser for ARC (Action for Russia's Children) which is a foundation that supports 7 organizations which in turn support disadvantaged and disabled children in Russia.
Here is how the two ball's I've been to thus far work:
You show up at 7 for champagne and passed appetizers (though at the PTO ball, it was Kir Royal's, wine or any mixed drink you may have wanted). At 8 everyone heads into the ball room and finds your assigned table. Both times, I've been at the freebie teacher table, which works just fine for me. Then dinner - 3 courses where the meal starts with the salad already on the table at your seat.
PTO Gala: Burrata (delicious, fresh mozerella but even fancier type cheese) with dried tomatoes and tapanade, fillet mignon with risotto and asparagus, trio of chocolate desserts.
ARC Ball: Smoked Sturgeon with caeser (yumm-o!), duck breast with roasted potatoes and red wine poached pear (eh) and a dessert that resembled disassembled Twix.
Obviously, I favored the PTO food.
Then there's an auction. PTO was raising money for the PTO, ARC for the children. Overall people were far more generous at the PTO event which was disappointing. At the PTO event the cheapest thing to go was a custom made dress for $8,000. Last night there was a chair massage for the company that went for $300. A painting that barely got sold for $200. A large house in Tuscany that can sleep up to 16 (but comfortably would sleep more like 6-8) that I even bid on because the price was so low. In fact another teacher ended up taking the bid for $3,200. Even if you put 6 people in there that's only $500 for a weeks lodging in a house in Tuscany! And the fact that teachers felt like they could bid and afford it was a bit embarrassing, IMO.
After the auction comes the live band and dancing. Last night's band was a British cover band, complete with David Bowie impersonator who's main fortee seemed to be clearing the dance floor every time he came on. I stayed until 11:45 - late for me - and ended the night dancing to Beattles covers. It was a lovely evening.
I brought my camera, but then never actually took any pictures. Others did though, so I'll be back with them eventually :)
Here is how the two ball's I've been to thus far work:
You show up at 7 for champagne and passed appetizers (though at the PTO ball, it was Kir Royal's, wine or any mixed drink you may have wanted). At 8 everyone heads into the ball room and finds your assigned table. Both times, I've been at the freebie teacher table, which works just fine for me. Then dinner - 3 courses where the meal starts with the salad already on the table at your seat.
PTO Gala: Burrata (delicious, fresh mozerella but even fancier type cheese) with dried tomatoes and tapanade, fillet mignon with risotto and asparagus, trio of chocolate desserts.
ARC Ball: Smoked Sturgeon with caeser (yumm-o!), duck breast with roasted potatoes and red wine poached pear (eh) and a dessert that resembled disassembled Twix.
Obviously, I favored the PTO food.
Then there's an auction. PTO was raising money for the PTO, ARC for the children. Overall people were far more generous at the PTO event which was disappointing. At the PTO event the cheapest thing to go was a custom made dress for $8,000. Last night there was a chair massage for the company that went for $300. A painting that barely got sold for $200. A large house in Tuscany that can sleep up to 16 (but comfortably would sleep more like 6-8) that I even bid on because the price was so low. In fact another teacher ended up taking the bid for $3,200. Even if you put 6 people in there that's only $500 for a weeks lodging in a house in Tuscany! And the fact that teachers felt like they could bid and afford it was a bit embarrassing, IMO.
After the auction comes the live band and dancing. Last night's band was a British cover band, complete with David Bowie impersonator who's main fortee seemed to be clearing the dance floor every time he came on. I stayed until 11:45 - late for me - and ended the night dancing to Beattles covers. It was a lovely evening.
I brought my camera, but then never actually took any pictures. Others did though, so I'll be back with them eventually :)
Friday, October 12
Hot, hot, hot!
They finally turned the heat on in our apartments. Good thing too as it snowed for the first time yesterday! Just a very little bit while I was out playing frisbee - made for very cold frisbee playing.
And it's already getting very dark. Sun is down by about 6:30, doesn't rise until almost 8. But today's sunrise was beautiful, the one thing the air pollution is good for.
Tonight I get to go another (free) ball! Woo hoo! Apparently a teacher knows a parent organizer who had a table back out, so we get to reap the rewards. Hopefully I'll be able to get more photos this time!
And it's already getting very dark. Sun is down by about 6:30, doesn't rise until almost 8. But today's sunrise was beautiful, the one thing the air pollution is good for.
Tonight I get to go another (free) ball! Woo hoo! Apparently a teacher knows a parent organizer who had a table back out, so we get to reap the rewards. Hopefully I'll be able to get more photos this time!
Sunday, October 7
I want a normal life
One where I stop questioning every decision I've made, stop trying to plan my future which always ends up different from what I envision anyway.
I accidently went on a date Friday night with one of the security guards from school. I thought we'd be getting together to chat (see my earlier post about making friends and language exchange), but then he brought me flowers. Then William and I talked for almost 2 hours today catching up. We both still miss each other like crazy and both still love each other. It's so hard to determine if breaking up is really the right thing for us. I don't know if we should just stop talking, we only talk once a week as is. I haven't made travel plans for winter break yet. I think my heart still thinks I'll be spending those 3 weeks in Japan. But I need to just make it final, make plans to go somewhere else and get it over with. Part of this is really ironic. I've never had any trouble planning trips before!
Then of course, there is the issue of how do i communicate everything that's going on to Andrei (the accidental date) that I'm sooo not ready to date anyone at all between his limited English and my limited Russian.
Blah. I just want a normal life, whatever the hell that is.
I accidently went on a date Friday night with one of the security guards from school. I thought we'd be getting together to chat (see my earlier post about making friends and language exchange), but then he brought me flowers. Then William and I talked for almost 2 hours today catching up. We both still miss each other like crazy and both still love each other. It's so hard to determine if breaking up is really the right thing for us. I don't know if we should just stop talking, we only talk once a week as is. I haven't made travel plans for winter break yet. I think my heart still thinks I'll be spending those 3 weeks in Japan. But I need to just make it final, make plans to go somewhere else and get it over with. Part of this is really ironic. I've never had any trouble planning trips before!
Then of course, there is the issue of how do i communicate everything that's going on to Andrei (the accidental date) that I'm sooo not ready to date anyone at all between his limited English and my limited Russian.
Blah. I just want a normal life, whatever the hell that is.
Thursday, October 4
Friends outside the Bubble
So, I'm starting to make Russian friends which I'm really excited about. I knew in coming here that there would be a tendency to only hang out with the other expats and I also knew that wasn't for me. But how do you make friends with people who speak another language? Well, thus far I'd say I have 1.5 non-teacher Russian friends.
The full friend I met at the ball. She is a special friend of one the male teachers. I ended up sitting next to her at the Gala and she is awesome. She's my age and a lawyer here. We went out Tuesday night for hot chocolate that was so thick you have to eat it with a spoon. Her parents live in Sergiev Posad which is a well known town to visit with a monestary. Nat will be visiting her parents this weekend and has offered to show me around. So I'll be heading there Saturday morning.
Then there are the half friends who may be come friends. Right now it's just sort of a start of language exchanges. As I've mentioned, I take the earliest shuttle into school and it's just me and the security guards. So one of the guards speaks some English and after 6 weeks of riding the shuttle together we have begun to have a bit of conversation. We've decided that we'll try doing a language exchange.
Also, there is another guy who runs our copy room. Since I seem to always need my copies at the last minute I see him a lot. Last week we ended up riding the metro together as he was on his way to English classes. So I think eventually he and I will have language exchanges also.
Hopefully, my Russian experience will be even fuller by knowing actual Russians and getting to go out with them. I haven't even had an vodka since I've been here, certainly that will change!
The full friend I met at the ball. She is a special friend of one the male teachers. I ended up sitting next to her at the Gala and she is awesome. She's my age and a lawyer here. We went out Tuesday night for hot chocolate that was so thick you have to eat it with a spoon. Her parents live in Sergiev Posad which is a well known town to visit with a monestary. Nat will be visiting her parents this weekend and has offered to show me around. So I'll be heading there Saturday morning.
Then there are the half friends who may be come friends. Right now it's just sort of a start of language exchanges. As I've mentioned, I take the earliest shuttle into school and it's just me and the security guards. So one of the guards speaks some English and after 6 weeks of riding the shuttle together we have begun to have a bit of conversation. We've decided that we'll try doing a language exchange.
Also, there is another guy who runs our copy room. Since I seem to always need my copies at the last minute
Hopefully, my Russian experience will be even fuller by knowing actual Russians and getting to go out with them. I haven't even had an vodka since I've been here, certainly that will change!
Sunday, September 30
Busy, busy, busy
I don't have time to post. It's Sunday at 7 and I still need to finish grading papers. However, I had an awesome weekend which included going to the director's apartment for a TGIF, great company and an awesome view of our school and looking out over Moscow from a 23rd floor (he only lives on 10, geez!)
Saturday morning I was up early to go mushroom foraging! I came home with 3 pounds of mushrooms. Stroganoff here I come!!!
There are some especially great photos in that set. Please go look at them all! And then come tell me that you love them ;)
Finally, last night was the big Gala that I won those tickets for.
I really need to come back and write details so that I don't forget. But at the auction, the lowest item to go was a custom designed cocktail or evening gown for $8500 (yes, dollars, not rubles!) and the highest bid was an all expense paid trip for two to Beijing for the Olympics next summer for $28,500!
Saturday morning I was up early to go mushroom foraging! I came home with 3 pounds of mushrooms. Stroganoff here I come!!!
There are some especially great photos in that set. Please go look at them all! And then come tell me that you love them ;)
Finally, last night was the big Gala that I won those tickets for.
I really need to come back and write details so that I don't forget. But at the auction, the lowest item to go was a custom designed cocktail or evening gown for $8500 (yes, dollars, not rubles!) and the highest bid was an all expense paid trip for two to Beijing for the Olympics next summer for $28,500!
Tuesday, September 25
Dreaming
I'm in a vicious cycle of not sleeping well for a few nights and then sleeping for a long time the next. I think last night's sleep was aided by the g&t at Cyp. But last night's sleep was full of dreams. I don't remember much about the first one, other than I was in Atlanta running away from something. And then in a car, trying to get drive away from all these houses that were on fire. Then suddenly I was in the desert outside of Las Vegas with my family. There were huge cranes everywhere as they were removing tons of natural resources for construction. As we're running along, there were pieces of rock and big clumps of dirt falling on us. Then we turn a corner where people have parked and their cars have sunk into the ground, including my sister's jetta. Then she fell into a sink hole, but I was able to pull her out (must be all that swimming I've been doing).
Yes, the symbolism is not lost on me, but at least I slept.
Yes, the symbolism is not lost on me, but at least I slept.
Monday, September 24
Суп!
That's "Soup" to all you non-Cyrillic readers ;) Tonight two other teachers and I went to this restaurant, Cyп. You guessed it they specialize in soup. For around $6, though that could be off due to the rapidly plummeting dollar you can get a trio of 3 different soups from an offering of around 20 choices and that's just the hot soups. They have around another 10 cold soups. M and I each tried 3 types while B just got 1 plus the quesadilla. M and I both preferred the Russian soups over the attempts at others. The quesadilla was actually quite good! And even with a gin and tonic - the first mixed drink I've had since being here, I walked out only $20 lighter.
Saturday, September 22
Photos!
I've added lots of new photos from the past few days. Today several of us went to Moscow's honey festival. I never knew there were ~so~ many kinds of honey. Russians are very much into there honey and this festival goes on all month - every day! There were at least 100 stalls most with around 8 honeys to sample. I bought 2 varieties as well as some honey wine.
I've also finally begun to sneak photos of women's shoes:
Also, it's full on fall here! We took a beautiful walk through Tsaryina Park on our way to the honey festival. It's tradition to get married on a Saturday early in the day and then spend most of the afternoon roaming the city with your wedding party having photos taken at all the land marks. The brides range from skanky to traditional to poufy. And I've got a few photos to share!
I've also finally begun to sneak photos of women's shoes:
Also, it's full on fall here! We took a beautiful walk through Tsaryina Park on our way to the honey festival. It's tradition to get married on a Saturday early in the day and then spend most of the afternoon roaming the city with your wedding party having photos taken at all the land marks. The brides range from skanky to traditional to poufy. And I've got a few photos to share!
Cool!
create your own visited country map
I've visited only 8% of the world's countries. So many more to see! I wonder what percent of the area that is though, seeing as the USA, Russia and Canada take up so much of the map... And of course, I've only visited small parts of Russia and Canada.
Thursday, September 20
Written Therapy
I think writing last night's post helped. I finally slept through the night for the first time in two weeks. I even woke up 1 minute before the alarm. I was a bit sweaty as the weather has really warmed up, so under my down, even with the window open I was roasting. Yesterday it was 70! weather.com says it's currently 55 and the high will be 55??? However, it still feels nice and warm-ish.
Ok, off to Russian class. And then after school ultimate frisbee :)
Ok, off to Russian class. And then after school ultimate frisbee :)
Wednesday, September 19
Help me turn off my brain
Alternate Title: "Stupid head shut up and let me sleep, enjoy massages, watch Die Hard, teach my students without yelling at them and other every day tasks."
I'm feeling very much at a loss. I can't stop thinking about our break up; I still can't believe it really happened. He says he doesn't want to talk as it "just confuses us," which to me means it's confusing him because even though it took me two years, I finally made my mind up that he is the one I want. It just took breaking up for me to realize that. Clearly I'm not one who commits to things easily and the commitment I'm thinking about with him is the "death do us part" one.
And now I don't know quite what to do I: wait him out (in which case depending on how long it takes for him to decide to start talking to me I really might change my mind, ahem, again), continue to email and/or call him to try to change his mind (stalker). Clearly patience is not one of my virtues. I just wish I knew what was going on in his head, besides the fact that he still loves me but doesn't trust me not to change my mind again. Is he even thinking about me? It's these questions that keep me from concentrating on anything else.
This morning at 2 a.m. it was how would I get from Tokyo to the little village he's in. And when I got there, would he be happy to see me? Would he have another girlfriend?
STUPID HEAD - SHUT UP!!!
And I don't know how to stop thinking about it. Any ideas? Maybe I should start producing Russian porn in my apartment.
I'm feeling very much at a loss. I can't stop thinking about our break up; I still can't believe it really happened. He says he doesn't want to talk as it "just confuses us," which to me means it's confusing him because even though it took me two years, I finally made my mind up that he is the one I want. It just took breaking up for me to realize that. Clearly I'm not one who commits to things easily and the commitment I'm thinking about with him is the "death do us part" one.
And now I don't know quite what to do I: wait him out (in which case depending on how long it takes for him to decide to start talking to me I really might change my mind, ahem, again), continue to email and/or call him to try to change his mind (stalker). Clearly patience is not one of my virtues. I just wish I knew what was going on in his head, besides the fact that he still loves me but doesn't trust me not to change my mind again. Is he even thinking about me? It's these questions that keep me from concentrating on anything else.
This morning at 2 a.m. it was how would I get from Tokyo to the little village he's in. And when I got there, would he be happy to see me? Would he have another girlfriend?
STUPID HEAD - SHUT UP!!!
And I don't know how to stop thinking about it. Any ideas? Maybe I should start producing Russian porn in my apartment.
Monday, September 17
Dance Class (and of course, a bit of food)
Alright, I've gone from no posts to 3 in one day
Our school has a kick ass wellness program. It seems like every day of the week there is some sort of activity. The swimming I've been doing (MWF mornings) is part of it as was last week's meditation. Today I took the dance class. The teacher was a Bolshoi ballerina. He's really good (looking) and a great dancer, in that very cocky way that only straight male ballerina's can be. I was hoping for ballet class, but instead we started with a belly dancing warm up and then did salsa, meringue, swing, the charleston, oh I forget the name, the one where you move your toes pointing in and out like in the 50s. We ended with a waltz. So peaceful and a bit of a work out. Yay!
Tonight I'm headed out to try an Ethiopian restaurant. And I got my order from the Mexican delivery. Unfortunately my cheese dip looks like a Velveta dip, but my corn tortillas look great!
Our school has a kick ass wellness program. It seems like every day of the week there is some sort of activity. The swimming I've been doing (MWF mornings) is part of it as was last week's meditation. Today I took the dance class. The teacher was a Bolshoi ballerina. He's really good (looking) and a great dancer, in that very cocky way that only straight male ballerina's can be. I was hoping for ballet class, but instead we started with a belly dancing warm up and then did salsa, meringue, swing, the charleston, oh I forget the name, the one where you move your toes pointing in and out like in the 50s. We ended with a waltz. So peaceful and a bit of a work out. Yay!
Tonight I'm headed out to try an Ethiopian restaurant. And I got my order from the Mexican delivery. Unfortunately my cheese dip looks like a Velveta dip, but my corn tortillas look great!
I won?!
The PTO is hosting a Gala black-tie event on the 29th of September. We got an email indicating they would be raffling off a pair of tickets, so I entered, knowing I would never win. But then today in my inbox is this message:
Guest's full name? You mean like a date? I just broke up with my boyfriend, although even if we were still together, he wouldn't have been able to be my guest. But I don't know who I should ask...
Editting to Add: Ok, got it figured out. One of the lovely 3rd grade teachers, a British girl who spent the last 2 years in China and was just asking about whether she could wear a white ball gown to our x-mas party, will be joining me. I know I asked the perfect person, just read her response:
Congratulation you won two tickets for the Gala the 29th of september!!!
I'll deliver the tickets during this week.
Please inform me of your guests full name asap!!
Thank you xxx xxxxx
Guest's full name? You mean like a date? I just broke up with my boyfriend, although even if we were still together, he wouldn't have been able to be my guest. But I don't know who I should ask...
Editting to Add: Ok, got it figured out. One of the lovely 3rd grade teachers, a British girl who spent the last 2 years in China and was just asking about whether she could wear a white ball gown to our x-mas party, will be joining me. I know I asked the perfect person, just read her response:
You won!!! OMG....you are lucky. I would love to go! Fun!!!! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... you have made my morning!
The Girl who Cried Wolf
It's been a while since I posted as I haven't really been in the mood. I've been very in my own head. As I mentioned previously, I forced the boy into a corner. Throughout our whole relationship, I always had doubts as to whether he was "the one." And I always wondered how he could be so sure I was "the one" since I was his first love. I'd make comments out of my own insecurity about him needing to date other people, each comment hurting him :( But I still feel like you need to try everything before you decide.
However, this seems to long be my problem, that I love trying everything and even when I settle on an entree, I still think, "oh, yours looks better." Even when mine is better. (You knew it'd come to a food analogy, come on!)
However, in us actually breaking up, I have come to the realization that he is the one that I wanted. Of course, it's too late for that. All my indecision has led him to be unable to trust me. I don't blame him, I do change my mind ~a lot~. I mean this is my third career in 6 years and the, well, I've lost count, of city that I've lived in. However, I consider myself to be a trustworthy person. I've never cheated on him or any other boyfriend, never had an inclination too. However, I did emotionally cheat on him by never fully trusting "us" and never really getting to know the real him. And now he doesn't believe that I can committ. And I'm not sure if he wants me to prove that I can (I've got a plane ticket to Tokyo on hold right now) or if he wants me to just leave him alone with his own head and own life for a while.
Who knows, maybe he's right. Or maybe all the nagging in the back of my head telling me that he wasn't "the one" was right.
All I know is that it's really painful right now. And I can't spend the day crying (again). I'm going to the pool to swim off some nervous/anxious/mad at myself energy.
However, this seems to long be my problem, that I love trying everything and even when I settle on an entree, I still think, "oh, yours looks better." Even when mine is better. (You knew it'd come to a food analogy, come on!)
However, in us actually breaking up, I have come to the realization that he is the one that I wanted. Of course, it's too late for that. All my indecision has led him to be unable to trust me. I don't blame him, I do change my mind ~a lot~. I mean this is my third career in 6 years and the, well, I've lost count, of city that I've lived in. However, I consider myself to be a trustworthy person. I've never cheated on him or any other boyfriend, never had an inclination too. However, I did emotionally cheat on him by never fully trusting "us" and never really getting to know the real him. And now he doesn't believe that I can committ. And I'm not sure if he wants me to prove that I can (I've got a plane ticket to Tokyo on hold right now) or if he wants me to just leave him alone with his own head and own life for a while.
Who knows, maybe he's right. Or maybe all the nagging in the back of my head telling me that he wasn't "the one" was right.
All I know is that it's really painful right now. And I can't spend the day crying (again). I'm going to the pool to swim off some nervous/anxious/mad at myself energy.
Thursday, September 13
Skype Rant
Skype has enabled me to talk with my mother for $0.02/minute and to the Boy, who's in Japan, for free. I like that, I like it a lot. Plus, the call quality is really good.
However, today, Skype is really pissing me off. Are my friends calling me off the hook? Noooo, it's berk353530 and ousous.said. They ask me to be their contact, they call me. I feel like I’m back on my parents AOL. Oh great! Andrew Sexy Man (for girls only) just asked me to be his contact.
So, friends, should you want to Skype me, make sure you notify me of what your user name is if it's something obscure, unlike my original firstname.lastname, otherwise I'm going to Deny&Block you. Oh, and if it appears that I'm "Unavailable" really I'm just avoiding the shparadises of the world.
"Skype - Take a Deep Breath" yeah, with which I will complain loudly to the whole world about you with.
However, today, Skype is really pissing me off. Are my friends calling me off the hook? Noooo, it's berk353530 and ousous.said. They ask me to be their contact, they call me. I feel like I’m back on my parents AOL. Oh great! Andrew Sexy Man (for girls only) just asked me to be his contact.
So, friends, should you want to Skype me, make sure you notify me of what your user name is if it's something obscure, unlike my original firstname.lastname, otherwise I'm going to Deny&Block you. Oh, and if it appears that I'm "Unavailable" really I'm just avoiding the shparadises of the world.
"Skype - Take a Deep Breath" yeah, with which I will complain loudly to the whole world about you with.
Tuesday, September 11
My long term impact
A few days ago I wrote about the student who called me with homework questions and minnie commented:
In addition to that the boy and I have been having long talks about our future. I can see myself doing this for a long time, traveling the globe going from international school to international school. However, the students at these schools are either rich and/or from parents with an education. They could (and do) have daily tutors to help them succeed. And if all else fails, their parents will just buy them a business - I have a student who already has her own line of clothing and another who is already a millionaire due to the unfortunate passing of his father.
The boy wants to go back to the states and public school, help the to fix the system. Contribute in a meaningful way. I've had nightmares the past few nights about being back in the system. Last night I was trying to protect my students from a gang shooting. My stress level was so high there, the teaching wasn't really teaching. But I definitely have the feeling of having sold out here. I'm certainly not experiencing the "real" Russia either.
Be the change you want to see in the world right...
its sort of sad and horrible to think about the reasons why your other school had such problems and the long term impact of that on everyone...
In addition to that the boy and I have been having long talks about our future. I can see myself doing this for a long time, traveling the globe going from international school to international school. However, the students at these schools are either rich and/or from parents with an education. They could (and do) have daily tutors to help them succeed. And if all else fails, their parents will just buy them a business - I have a student who already has her own line of clothing and another who is already a millionaire due to the unfortunate passing of his father.
The boy wants to go back to the states and public school, help the to fix the system. Contribute in a meaningful way. I've had nightmares the past few nights about being back in the system. Last night I was trying to protect my students from a gang shooting. My stress level was so high there, the teaching wasn't really teaching. But I definitely have the feeling of having sold out here. I'm certainly not experiencing the "real" Russia either.
Be the change you want to see in the world right...
Sunday, September 9
Meditation
I've never been much into meditating. But a woman at school who has spent 17 years in India and will retire there is leading this meditation class on Monday's. I think I'm going to do it:
Kundalini Meditation Instructions
Stage 1: 15 minutes with music
Be loose and let you whole body shake, feeling the energies moving up from your feet . Let go everywhere and become the shaking. Your eyes may be open or closed.
|"Allow the shaking; don't do it. Stand silently, feel it coming and when you body starts trembling, help it but don't do it. Enjoy it, feel blissful about it, allow it, receive it, welcome it, but don't will it. If you force it will become an exercise, a bodily, physical exercise. Then the shaking will be there but just on the surface; it will not penetrate you. You will remain solid, stone-like, rock-like within. You will remain the manipulator, the doer, and the body will just be following. The body is not the question - you are the question."
"When I say shake, I mean your solidity, your rock-like being should shake to the very foundations so that it becomes liquid, fluid, melts, flows. And when the rock-like being becomes liquid, your body will follow. Then there is no shake, only shaking. Then nobody is doing it; it is simply happening. The the doer is not." Osho
Stage 2: 15 minutes with music
Dance...any way you feel, and the let the whole body move as it wishes.
Stage 3: 15 minutes with music
Close your eyes and be still, sitting or standing...witnessing whatever is happening inside and out.
Stage 4: 15 minutes in silence
Lay down, close your eyes and be still....watch whatsoever is happening, inside and out and beyond.
Kundalini Meditation Instructions
Stage 1: 15 minutes with music
Be loose and let you whole body shake, feeling the energies moving up from your feet . Let go everywhere and become the shaking. Your eyes may be open or closed.
|"Allow the shaking; don't do it. Stand silently, feel it coming and when you body starts trembling, help it but don't do it. Enjoy it, feel blissful about it, allow it, receive it, welcome it, but don't will it. If you force it will become an exercise, a bodily, physical exercise. Then the shaking will be there but just on the surface; it will not penetrate you. You will remain solid, stone-like, rock-like within. You will remain the manipulator, the doer, and the body will just be following. The body is not the question - you are the question."
"When I say shake, I mean your solidity, your rock-like being should shake to the very foundations so that it becomes liquid, fluid, melts, flows. And when the rock-like being becomes liquid, your body will follow. Then there is no shake, only shaking. Then nobody is doing it; it is simply happening. The the doer is not." Osho
Stage 2: 15 minutes with music
Dance...any way you feel, and the let the whole body move as it wishes.
Stage 3: 15 minutes with music
Close your eyes and be still, sitting or standing...witnessing whatever is happening inside and out.
Stage 4: 15 minutes in silence
Lay down, close your eyes and be still....watch whatsoever is happening, inside and out and beyond.
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