Wednesday, September 19

Help me turn off my brain

Alternate Title: "Stupid head shut up and let me sleep, enjoy massages, watch Die Hard, teach my students without yelling at them and other every day tasks."

I'm feeling very much at a loss. I can't stop thinking about our break up; I still can't believe it really happened. He says he doesn't want to talk as it "just confuses us," which to me means it's confusing him because even though it took me two years, I finally made my mind up that he is the one I want. It just took breaking up for me to realize that. Clearly I'm not one who commits to things easily and the commitment I'm thinking about with him is the "death do us part" one.

And now I don't know quite what to do I: wait him out (in which case depending on how long it takes for him to decide to start talking to me I really might change my mind, ahem, again), continue to email and/or call him to try to change his mind (stalker). Clearly patience is not one of my virtues. I just wish I knew what was going on in his head, besides the fact that he still loves me but doesn't trust me not to change my mind again. Is he even thinking about me? It's these questions that keep me from concentrating on anything else.

This morning at 2 a.m. it was how would I get from Tokyo to the little village he's in. And when I got there, would he be happy to see me? Would he have another girlfriend?


And I don't know how to stop thinking about it. Any ideas? Maybe I should start producing Russian porn in my apartment.

No comments: